Chibi Vegeta's Handbook
The Does and Don'ts of a
Little Sajialing
1. Never call the King a failure. You'll only
get hurt in the end.
2. Bide your time. One day... when they
least expect it.... BAm!
3. Know your limits... AND SURPASS
THEM!!
4. Don't drink orange juice in the middle of a battle. It
gets messy and the
enemy usually ends up with the enemy having
the upper hand.
5. Nice guys always finish last.
6. Be
afraid of men who pose nonstop. Be very afraid.
7. Rock,
Scissors, and Paper game decides everything!
8. Hamsters are a
necessity. They also have an excellent flavor. *note:
don't
bother any of the guards with these things. And never put them
in
microwaves. They go pop!*
9. Beware of little yellow mice
with orange cheeks. *Pi-ka-chuuu!!*
10. Never feed peanut butter
to a computer. The end products aren't good.
11. Beware of
people with names of underwear.
12. Boxers or Briefs?
13.
Some jelly beans taste like toothpaste.
14. Carrots are the
enemy. DESTROY THEm ALL!!!
15. Hell isn't all it's cranked up to
be.
16. Hell is boring. Hell sucks. I don wanna go.
17. I've
never made it to Heaven. Should I try?
18. Remember when mother
said never stick a fork into an electric outlet?
Listen to her.
It can have *permanent* affects on your hair.
*zzzt!* (hehe..
hair stands up on end! Why? Electricity!!)
19. Not all walls are
sound proof. Be wary at night.
20. It is not impolite to store
your all of your dinner in your cheeks.
21. Never put spandex in
a washing machine. *It gets tighter than it
should!* The label
says "Dry Clean Only" (I think)
22. Never get your hair stuck in
an electric fan. (more fun with
electricity!)
23. You cannot
cook soup in a toilet bowl. It just doesn't work.
24. Soap is
for cleaning...not eating.
25. Food goes in here. *points at
stomach*
26. Toothpaste gives your breath a nice minty smell.
27. Disregard the word "gentle."
28. Death to all punching
machines!
29. Easter eggs go "squish!"
30. The Easter Bunny
DOES taste like chocolate. With marshmallows!
31. Liking rocks
is a very fun and time-consuming hobby. I found one
that tastes
like watermelon!
32. Here's a little activity you can do at
home! Take an ordinary peanut,
still inside its shell, draw eyes,
attach a few whisker-like anttenaes, an
orange cape, make it
stand on end and scream out "Papparapa!!" After that,
make it
scream : "Barrier!"
33. Do not do the above activity in front of
the King. He just doesn't like
it.
34. Do not dress up as
your superior for Halloween. Higher authorities do
not take
kindly to it.
Vegeta: Hello! I am Freezer-sama! The big, fat,
lizard-baka who can't get
out of the wheelchair for fear of
someone noticing the bad nail polish job I
did on my toe nails!
Someone complement my new lipstick color! Watch me pop
my armor
off my own body in a pitiful excuse for a transformation! HOH
HOH
HOH hoh hohhhh..... *eeeep. Uh oh...*
35. Citrus fruit
can be very useful weapons. Always remember to go for the
eyes
when using such an amusing tool.
36. Putting superglue on your
finger and sticking it up your nose isn't very
good. You'll only
be able to breath out of one nostril for a month.
37. Never try
to put toothpaste back in the tube. It gets messy. Very
messy.
38. Never put superglue on the royal toilet bowl. The
people who sit on it
will not be very happy.
39. Never use
war plans as a coloring book, no matter how much you want to
add
colorful lines.
40. Lampshades can cover up a bad hair day.
41. Foreigners don't like it when you tell them what they have
in their
underwear.
42. Never say 'Mooo' to a minotaur.
43. Pulling other people's tails is fun. But when they don't
have tails, you
may have to improvise.
44. I don't like being
called a monkey. I not a monkey! Me no monkey me no
monkey!
45. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium.
46.
Scouters don't work well as sunglasses.
47. If you stare at
anything long enough, they just might shatter.
48.Eat your
waffle jacks! You'll get big and strong and girls will swoon
when
they see you
49. Never share your Eggo waffles with ANYONE!!!
50. Hunting big purple dinosaurs is good for the environment,
not to mention
satisfying ashell. They taste like cheese.
51.
Really Scientific Experiment (number 1):Put a really prickly
hairbrush
in your daddy'sbed and see how high you can get him to
jump when he sits on
it!
52. See how many times you can get
away with it before he catches on!
53. If you put a whoopee
cushion on your father's throne the day of a big
meeting,
beprepared to run. Very fast.
54. Dressing your big burly
bodyguard/sparring partner in a pink ruffly
dress andstrolling
with him down the busiest street is lots of fun!
55. When your
father is having a banquet with the ruler of the universe,
don't
swing upsidedown from the chandeliers yelling "Look at me! I'm
the
purple polka-dotted jungleboy!"
56. Swing right side up.
It's more polite.
57. Really Scientific Experiment (number 2):
Switch one of your bodyguards'
shampoowith hair removal lotion,
switch the other's shampoo with super hair
grow tonic, andwatch
the fun happen!
58. Really Scientific Experiment (number 3): Put
the small fat guy that
looks like a frog inthe microwave and
crank it up to the highest setting to
see if he blows up.
59.
Your underwear goes here (points to legs) and not here (points to
head.)
60. Underware goes inside your pants, not outside.
King Vegeta: Now, Freezer, about those important battle plans
regarding
Division Six....
Vegeta: (flying around in little
circles above their heads with red
underware on the outside of
his blue spandex pants) Wheee!! Otousan, look!
it's a bird! It's
a plane! it's Super Saiyajin!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Freezer:What?
Where? Where! Wait. So this is your super elite son? What
an
embarrassment.
King Vegeta: ......
61. Don't fly into
fists. Watch where you're going.
Freezer : (raise his fist into
the air)
(Vegeta slams into one of them and falls out the window
into the barbecue
pitt below)
King Vegeta: WHAT an
embarrassment....
62. Here's a fun activity you can do yourself!
Take as many hamsters as you
can and seehow many you can fit in
your mouth all at one time!
63. Repeat with tennis balls and any
other object you find that will fit in
your mouth.
64. Don't
blast your battle instructor if he has a power level about
10,000
points aboveyou.
65. The King doesn't like it when you
put band aids on his mouth.
66. When shooting rubber bands at
the king from under the table during an
importantmeeting, make
sure that you can get over and past all the other legs
at the
table.
*note* Some creatures may have more legs than usual and
may hinder
immediateevacuation.
67. (Chibi Veggie Memory)
Vegeta: (shoots a rubber band too low and accidentally hits
Zarbon's leg)
Zarbon: (looks at Freezer with an amused look on
his face) Ooooo! You brute!
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
68. I
think I like Briefs.
69. This is a note. Be sure to take note of
the note that I have noted here
for you.
70. How many licks
does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a
Tootsie Pop?
I don't know. Neither does the King, Freezer, my bodyguards,
the
kitchen staff, the royal slaves, the harem, the royal
council, the royal
court, the palace guards, my psychiatrist, the
vaccume cleaner, the pencil
I'm writing with, the parking
attendants....
Hmmm. I wonder if mom knows.....
71. I can't
find my mommy.....
72. A compass can't fit inside your
bellybutton.
73. A compass also doesn't fit in the belly buttons
of the King, Freezer, my
bodyguards,the kitchen staff, the royal
slaves, the harem, the royal council,
the royal court,the palace
guards, my psychiatrist, the vacuum cleaner, the
pencil I'm
writing with,the parking attendants....
74. I still can't find
my mommy....
75. A compass also can't fit inside you eyeball,
your nostril, your ear,
your other ear, in other people's ears,
you fingernails, your toenails, your
tail, your eyebrows, your
foot, your knee....
76. A compass can fit in your hair, in your
mouth, in your hand, in other
people's hands....
77. A
compass definitely fits inside your tummy, although it's kinda
tough
getting it down your esophagus.
78. Really Scientific
Experiment #4 : Try to liven up your daddy's face with
pen
ink,crayons, and any other object that makes pretty lines.
79.
Really Scientific Experiment #5 : See how long it takes before
he
actually looks in the mirror and realizes what's wrong.
80. People look really funny when you tape their eyelids shut.
81. People look really funny when you tape their eyelids to
their foreheads.
82. Really Scientific Experiment #6 : Find out
how many people can touch
their foreheads with their tongue. If
they can't do it by themselves, make
sure to offer some
assistance.
83. People look really funny when you superglue
their tongues to their
forehead.
84. Same thing goes for
gluing eyelids and foreheads together. Chins also
work too.
85. Do not replace wine with gasoline.
86. Do replace wine
with liquid nitrogen. (It gets all smoky and foggy,
then
people'smouths and brains freeze.)
87. For some odd
reason, liquid nitrogen has no effect on Freezer. Hmmm....
88.
Gasoline + matches + Freezer = Living, flaming, screaming torch
89. For beautiful.... for spacious skies.... for amber waves of
flaaame....
For Freezer-sama's majesty, burns high among the
plains.....
90. Do not put toothpaste on toilet bowls.
91.
Freezer-sama's plans for Universal Domination go down the hole!
*flush!*
92. Otousan's plans for Freezer Overthrow go down the
hole! *flush!*
93. Toasters do not work as hairdryers. *ding!*
94. Grass tastes good.
95. The Men in Black are pushovers.
Division Six... huh! They can't fool me!
I can beat
'em with
one hand tied behind my *flash!* Where am I? Ahhhh!!! There
are
people
with black suits in my bedroom! Eeeeeee!!!
96.
The Men in Black have really nifty sunglasses an flashy thingies,
steal
one of each for tons of hours of good semi-clean fun.
97. Wear the Men in Black Ray Ban sunglasses, slap Freezer, then
flash the
Men in Black flashy thingie. Repeat. Repeat.
98.
Really Scientific Experiment #7: When Freezer's asleep, put on his
armor
and clothes, wear his black lipstick and nailpolish, ride
outside on his
wheelchair thingie, and see if you can fool
anyone!
99. Zarbon's best jewelry goes down the hoooole! *flush*
(Zarbon: Aaaaaah!
You brat!)
100. Tomatoes make nice squishy
noises when you step on them. Just make sure
not
to wear your
best white boots.
101. Not only is cake tasty, it makes an
excellent weapon!
102. Really Scientific Experiment #8: Breathe
some helium, then give a call
to your superior and do your best
Marilyn Monroe imitation. Try not to
giggle! Giggling will ruin
the Experiment!
103. Really Scientific Experiment #9: On the day
of your dads really
important meeting with the ruler of the
universe, pump helium into his
conference room. Make sure all the
windows and doors are closed, and see
whether the ruler ofthe
universe sounds more like Tweety bird than your dad.
104. Try to
see how many candles you can shove up your nose. Extra points
if
you do it when they're lighted.
105. Really Scientific
Experiment #10 : See how many candles you can stuff
in the nose
of your papa and everyone else for that matter! Extra points
if
they're lighted!
106. Try not to sleep on your tail the
wrong way. You'll wake up with an
aching pain and a cowlick that
you'll really be annoyed with.
107. For whiter whites, use a
whole cup of Clorox bleach! Be warned that
you'll get a bad taste
in your mouth later on. May contain toxic substances.
108.
Boxers go down the hole! *flush!* Uh oh! Boxers get stuck in the
hole!
109. Bowling balls cannot go down the hole. *flush!*
*flush!* *flush!*
110. Always be a helpful tour guide when
helping people get around the
palace.
Vegeta: It not your
turn to push the button! My turn to push the button!
Elavator go
up! Elavator go down! Elevator go up!
Freezer: Stop that
already, you annoying little brat!
Vegeta: ???? Elavator won't
move. Your wheelchair's too heavy, mister!
Me flush down the
hole!
*flush!*
Freezer: Aggggg!!!! Waitaminute! Why is there
a toilet in the elevator?
Vegeta: Funny genderless man is
cranky! Funny genderless man go down the
hole!
*flush!*
Freezer: Ahhhhh brupbpt!!!!
111. Really Scientific
Experement #12:Make fun of everyone you see and
figure out how
many of them try to kill you, how many are stronger than you,
and
how many go crazy over your endless taunting.
112. DON'T bother
trying to get Kakorotto pissedoff via insulting him...he
won't
know
what you're talking about.
113. DO run if you manage to
get him pissed. (especally is his hair goes
golden)
114.
DON'T start flinging around lotsa ki blades. You could cut yourself.
115. DO stick Freezer's tail into a socket when the lights go
out (his head
will light up)
afterwards.
116. DON'T make
stupid puns inviting Freezer to a disco party saying that
he'll
be the
'light' of the party.
117. When Freezer's sick, DON'T
step on his foot to check out under the
hood.
118. Got a
headache? DON'T try to pull/twist/anything his horns to
relive
presure.
119. [ If Freezer's ]really upset, DON'T get
in his way
120. [ If Freezer ] gets in a shouting match with his
brother, DON'T get in
the way
121. DO see if they'll sick
their tongues out at each other (this works
especially well if
you go back in time to when they were both chibi)
122. DO go
get the really nice blue haired lady with the uzi to build you
a
time machien
so you can get dirt on your enemies when their
chibi (This works best if you
cut your
hair manage you ki so
that it's down dye it lavender call her mom have a
swoard
strapped to your back respond to the name Trunks and say that
you want to
save the
world)
123. Really Scientific
Experement #13: Sneak in to the Royal Treasury and
find a
round(ish) faceted jem that's smaller than a compass and stick
it in your
belly button, rub it and make a wish and see if it
comes true...If it
doesn't
work, at least you got that belly
button lint out...
124. When Zarbon is sleeping put Freezer's
panties is his hands.
Zarbon: I swear I didn't!
125. When
you see the Ginyu force, set fire to Jace's hair and watch
him
stick his head in a
toilet full of gasoline!
126. Put
chewing gum in Zarbon's hair*snip*
127. Make Ginyu do
breakdancing. *dance man, dance*
128. King Vegeta: Where is my
underwear?
Veggie: Don't know!
King V: hair check time!!!
129. Don't put your tail in a toaster!
130. Don't test your
strength on cars!*splat*
131. Don't out pose the Ginyu force.
132. Don't ask dad why your short, why the sky is blue, is
Freezer a man or
woman, where babies come from, why you can't
speak Japanese, who sailor moon
is, is Zarbon a girl, why Freezer
wears lipstick, why there's a toilet in the
elevator, where's my
hair gel, and why birds fly.
133. Don't play with safety pins.
They're dangerous.
146. If you repeatedly laugh for no apparent
reason, that makes you evil.
147. What happens when you're
hungry after a battle? Eat your opponent!
148. Do put crazy glue
on the toilet bowl. It works much better than
toothpaste. The
results are more satisfying.
149. Really Scientific Experiment
#14:Replace your dad's shampoo with
molasass, his toothpaste with
honey, his deoderant with turpentine, and his
insect repelleant
with sugar water. See how long it takes him to
realize
something's wrong.
150. Always wear pants. If you
don't, you're marked for death.
151. Really Scientific
Experiment #15 : Photocopy your butt and place a copy
on every
single window in the palace on the day of an important banquet.
Sit
back and watch the fun!
152. Bathtubs are excellent for
use in making chocolate pudding.
153. What happens when your
slaves don't want to work? Eat them!
154. What happens when the
kid you're babysitting doesn't want to go bed?
Eat him too!
155. It is impossible to wage a war against microscopic
organisms.
156. Really Scientific Experiment #16 : Find out if
you're parents really
care about you! Hold your breath for as
long as you can and see if they start
getting worried. If that
doesn't work, try using a plastic bag. Don't worry,
as long as
you don't tie the bag, you'll simply pass out. If you DO die,
then
the world is probably better off without you and you'd be
doing a big favor
not only for yourself, then for everyone else
around you as well.
157. DO tell everyone that you'll one day be
the ruler of them all! Then,
laugh like a maniac and strut! They
do have a right to know.
158. When you go off to train in the
ozaru stage, make sure that your
spandex can REALLY stretch.
Ozaru Vegeta: Gah!! *GASP* Can't......breath.....
*riip!*
Ahh!!! I'm naked!!
159. Really Scientific Experiment #17:
Cut your tail off and see how long it
takes you to make it grow
back. Then, cut it off again, and see if you could
do it faster,
until you can do it in one second.
Vegeta: GRR!!! *attempting to
grow tail, looking furiosly at a - picture of
Freeza*
Sayin-warrior: Um, Prince Vegeta, w-would you like me to escort
you
to the bathroom?
Vegeta: *glares at him even more
angrily* NO!!! -*his tail instantly grows
back with a pop*
160. Really Scientific Experiment #18: Cut off your tail and see
how long it
takes to grow back. Record that time then see how
long it takes for everyone
else's tail to grow back. Then, try
and see if you can beat that time, then
you'll be the fastest in
tail growing!! *note* Some
creatures either have tails that
don't grow back or don't have tails at all.
Vegeta: *holding a
pair of scissors* Snip snip!
Zarbon: *screams* Ahhhhh!!!! Master
Freeza!
161:Realy Scientific Experiment 19:
Step1- Get
Frieza and Zarbon REEEEAAAALY drunk!!!
Step2- Then drag them
both in to the thrown room.
Step3- Sit zarbon in Freiza's wheel
chair thingie and put Freiza on his lap.
Step4- Take off as much
of thier clothing as is posible before you puke.
Step5-
**Optional** Put mommy's lace underware on zarbon.
Step6- Wait.
Freiza; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Zarbon; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
King; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Vegita;Heh heh heh heh
heh.....HA HA HA HA HAHa!!!!!!
162. Really Scientific Expiriment
# 21:
See how much of the alcohol from the above expiriment your
father can drink
before he decides Freiza is a hot chick.....
Freiza: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Zarbon; Noooo!!! Master Freiza!!!!
King; *slightly slured** awhman your one *hick* hot chick *hick*
comeir
cutie!!*hick*
Freiza; DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegita;
uhoh...... daddy??
163. Really Scientific Experiment #22:
Shave Napa's head, the glue his hair to Radditz's blad head..
Repeat with
Dodoria and Zarbon. watch the results from a
distance.
164. Really Scientific Experiment #20
Crazy glue
Zarbon's butt to Frieza's tail.......... Watch chaos ensue.
165.
a normal frezzer can hold all types of food..... Ask Freiza if
you,
Napa, Raddi(sh)tz, Kak(c)arrot, Oolong, Gohan, and
Pic(kle)olo can climb in
side him........
166. Daddy go down
the hole!! *flush* uh-oh, daddy coming back out of
hole....
167. Don't flush your dad down holes...
168. Before blowing
up planets, be sure to make sure that you have a fast
escape
route planned.
169. Always keep this book in somewhere safe and
warm and where you can get
it in a hurry...I prefer mine in my
shoe.
170. Look where you are going, esp. when you are flying in
the sky..you
never know when a plane might come your way.
171. Really Scientific Experiment # 21: Catch your very own
Sandy Claws!!
Set up bear traps around the Christmas tree and see
what you end up with in
the morning.
172. Make sure all your
Christmas ornaments are dead before you put them
onto the tree.
You wouldn't want any of them eating your presents now would
you?
173. When he's not looking, steal Sandy Claws' sleigh and keep
all the
presents for yourself!!
174. Really Scientific
Experiment #22: Call everyone a dendropheliac and see
how many of
them understand. |
